People Don’t Listen: 7 Dialogue Tropes to Give Them Away
People don’t listen. You know it. I know it. We’ve probably even heard it but didn’t realize because we weren’t listening. And since we’re so familiar with people who don’t listen, using that idea in our stories adds a lot of realism. That makes these 7 dialogue tropes really handy for giving them away. So handy, in fact, that I’m sure you’ll recognize them from books, movies, etc.
7 Signs for When People Don’t Listen
These signs or tropes are really reflections of why the people aren’t listening. It’s a sign of their motivation and relationship with the person who’s talking. And how much they care about the subject. Ergo, which one you use is all about characterization, setting, and plot.*
1. The Clueless Question
A.K.A. “Sorry. What?” Best said with that vague, re-focusing air.
Stereotypical of husbands tuning out their wives, this technique is used when the person in question was unaware that someone was talking to them because they’re
- in a crowd when the question could’ve been directed to someone else,
- focused on something really intently (to the exclusion of other sounds and their surroundings), or
- really tired (it’s easy to tune out when you’re exhausted).
Granted, wives do the same thing. Husbands and teenagers just have a worse rap.
2. The Circular Credit
Used in every comedy ever, this trope occurs when a duo is plotting, especially if a dominant character has already been established. The situation goes something like this –
Strong Character: What should we do? Hmmm… What about – no.
Weak Character: We could always try Plan A.
Strong Character: No, that would never work. … I know! We’ll try Plan A! Genius!
Weak Character: [mutters] I’m so glad you thought of it.
Examples include everything from Once Upon a Mattress to Inside Out, etc.
3. The Talk-over Takeover
This one comes up when a person isn’t listening because he or she won’t stop talking. It could be from arrogance, nerves, or a garrulous nature.
Here are some situations where this might be familiar:
- The talkative, nosy type who can’t resist “fixing” someone and telling someone what to do or what he/she is going to do to help that person (you know – those favors you don’t want?). Aaand doesn’t stop talking long enough for that person to really object. In fact, it’s the type who interrupts any objection and assumes what the poor “helped” soul was going to say…
- The arrogant, narcissistic type who interrupts because whatever you’re saying can’t possibly be as important as what he/she is saying, so stop wasting time blathering and let him/her talk. (Grrr.)
- The nervous date or job interview who talks so much that everyone else eventually gives up on getting a word in.
- The focused person so intent on telling a story or talking about a favorite topic that he/she doesn’t realize the surrounding conversation has moved on (and left him/her behind – still talking).
So… great for annoying, enraging, or funny characters!
4. The Deceptive Dismissal
Here’s where a show of politeness mixes with a lack of caring. People do this all the time when they want to appear that they care about what the person is saying but actually don’t. It’s a two-step process:
- Start with a sympathetic phrase. A.K.A. a platitude: “I know what you mean.” “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” “How awful.” All said with a kind of tsk or a sigh.
- Segue into what you want to talk about. Generally, it’s something about you (“You” meaning whoever’s doing it. I know that you would never do such a thing.).
- Pretend that what you’re talking about is related to what the other person says. People who do this might even believe it’s related – after all, they weren’t listening!
Don’t have characters you want the reader to like do this unless there’s some excuse. Like being distracted by something really important. And they’d better apologize when called out on it.
5. The Fuzzy Faker
This person actually does care about what the other person thinks. Maybe, not enough to actually pay attention (for this moment) but enough to try to hide that he/she wasn’t paying attention. Inevitably, however, vital details get crossed or overlooked and out the person’s lack of listening skills.
This dialogue trope is useful for
- employees trying to impress/pacify a boss who’s especially boring and tends to monologue
- spouses who want to avoid getting in trouble for not listening
- students caught not paying attention in class
Sounds familiar, right?
6. The Redundant Reveal
To me, this one is an everyday kind of accidental slip that busy people make. You’re doing something, you’re moving fast, and you end up saying something before your brain catches up with what you heard. You know, when the brain assumes someone is going to say one thing and responds before you realize, nope, that’s not it (like a variation of the talk-over takeover but on a smaller scale).
Here’s an example from one of my favorite websites, Not Always Right.
(My mom is offering my little brother a snack, but she’s in the other room and he doesn’t quite hear her.)
Mom: Do you want any popcorn?
Brother: No, just popcorn.
How many times have you said, “You’re welcome,” when the other person said, “Have a nice day.” It’s that kind of brain glitch. Also known as autopilot.
7. The Taciturn Tune-out
So… back to conceit (Conceit and not listening go well together, yeah?).
In this situation, one person is giving instructions, and the other person is ignoring every word. Usually, it’s a case of arrogantly assuming that he/she knows better and doesn’t need to listen. This person may not even bother to respond or says, “Yes,” “right,” and “uh-huh,” at appropriate intervals.
Unfortunately, this is extremely common with customers and business. Businesses will pay lots of money for consultants, It departments, trainers, etc. And do people listen? Sometimes. Sometimes, they just do their own thing, break stuff, and then blame someone else. (Read not always right if you don’t believe me.)
Even thinking about it is frustrating.
Of course, that’s the point. Frustrating, funny, enraging – when people don’t listen, it causes an emotional response. I’m sure you have stories you could share for all of these dialogue tropes.
So why don’t you? Change the characters and put them in your stories. Believe me, your readers will empathize.
*Something about the word, “ergo,” feels pretentious. But it fit the sentence. I’m so conflicted…
Amazing analysis here! You’ve nailed something I continue to struggle with, especially with younger characters. Gotta share.
Awesome! Thank you! What aspect were you struggling with? I’d love to hear about it from another writer’s perspective.
Writing for young people is such a cliche’ trap, don’t you think? I’ve got a WIP with sisters aged 18 and 14. While I can get away with the 18yr speaking, well, somewhat adult-ish, the 14yr old has to have attitude without going into the “like, totally, yeah” I’m so used to from a) growing up and b) movies I’ve seen. And I think technology has made its lasting impact on how much people want to physically talk, you know? Teens seem to prefer to abbreviate and emoji their way through a dialogue if they can. Blech.
Oh, yes. Teenagers especially. Slang definitely can help (and they do say “lol” a lot), but you’re right: it’s easy to slip into cliche. Since I teach teenagers, I’d say the biggest trends I’ve heard in their speech patterns are circular reasoning (long stories that go nowhere) and interrupting with something that’s absolutely unrelated to the conversation. They’re better than toddlers but not fully logical yet. It’s like some control switches haven’t finished developing. 🙂
Ha! That sounds about right. The other danger with youth-speak is how quickly it becomes dated. I understand that teens are going to live in the moment, but so often what was It of The Moment ten years, five years, or even five months ago will no longer be relevant.
So true! That’s why I think individual characterization in dialogue is so important. If it feels like something the character would say, we’ll forgive dated slang. If it’s just generic slang, it’ll break our suspension of disbelief. And worrying about that makes us question every line of dialogue! sigh
It does indeed!